confidence

i always tot that im strong to handle things properly through myself...
homework.. still fine..
family... still can handle...
friends... still can stabble..
love... sit quitely think clearly.. just kno that is not that easy 4 me...

now a day ppl take relationship unseriously...
tenagers just wan to have fun... or just bcs of lonelyness just find a partner to replace their emotional...
not bcs of partner just feel lonely...
making this love v unresponsible...
n making it v v unpriceless...

saying ppl... i think back myself through out this few year that i was in relationship..
tell ppl.. ppl mayb feel envy bout me..
but when i tell ppl.. i din feel proud of it that.. i have many bf.. or bla bla bla..
bcs so many bf... 80% is not long term... 70% is treat me not serious in it...
50 % betray ...
n making 100% sadness....
to who...?... to myself...

i just will envy ppl that those who have just 1 relationship.. that is last long.. even not forever.. but still have the journey within two person...this just call love...

think... i edi 4 month din in a relationship jor...
it can say is my first time stay single so long ...
shocked?... pls dont..
many ppl don believe that im single..
ntg is unposible...
dunno is i mature...
or im lack of confidence in relationship..

mayb is my mature tell me that relationship will hurt me v bad...
so i hide from it?
or mayb is my mature wan me to find a good guy n stay him forever...
or mayb im tired of it...?

somehow i kno a person....
can say nice...
somehow lik "the" person..
but.. he is greatter..
better...
n nicer...
y everytime when i wan love a person i need take "the " person to compare?..mayb between every guy i be wif b4.. he treat me the most good one?

but dunno y start from someday.. (i dunno when)
i start to din use "him" to compare to other ppl..
i start to follow my heart...
v ngam also d..
got think bout it....
but some thing comes...
i scare bout it again..
if some day he don wan me.. how?
if ... if.. if.. many if coming out from my mind...
wei..ZING...!
y i bcome so unconfidence to myself...
argh....
heart make me lik this..
too many YIN YING keep surrounding by me.. although i edi think wide...

bcs when i really choose to love a person.. i really will think many bout it........
mayb i have one year to try...
or mayb not..
this need c god....
need c our YUAN FEN ba...

come on girl.. just think that u can.. u sure can make it...
b urelf...
b who u r..
everything will b all right...
(eat ice cream=P..hmm... delicious... )
ENJOYING...( hope i ill find back the Zing i kno)
-zing